"but God..."

       As some of you may know I went to the Passion conference in Atlanta over Christmas break. This conference awoke, refreshed, and equipped me in many ways. One of the lessons that struck a chord in me revolved around Ephesians chapter 2. In this particular chapter of Ephesians Paul talks about how we are made alive in Christ. Verses 1-3 talk about all of us being dead in our transgressions; it states that we are "by nature objects of wrath" and that we have all gratified "the cravings of our sinful nature". After this bad news verses 4-5 say "But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!)" The leader then said as we continued throughout the day and thought about all we did that separated us from God to remember "But God is so rich in mercy".

      I am telling you this for a few reasons; the first is because I have a hard time forgiving myself for my past and for my sins in general. I tend to get bogged down with disappointment in myself rather than thanking God for saving me from the depths of my sin. Which is sad and ironic in a way because I am being selfish and self-centered in my reflection of my sin (I would love to play the 'only child, it’s not my fault' card right about now, typical huh?!). This verse really puts it all in perspective for me. Yeah, by nature I am sinner, a child of wrath and gratifying my cravings for sin, But God interrupts that sad story with the most beautiful news. Because he is so rich in mercy he sent his Son down to live a perfect life and takes the weight of my sin so I can be forgiven. This simple yet powerful phrase "But God..." has reminded me of that, and helped me immensely.

         This verse took a whole new hold on me as I relayed this message to a family member. This particular family member (as you may know from my previous post, has lied to many people and deeply hurt loved ones) was asked to do something that was going to force him to come face to face with his transgressions. This would be intimidating and frightening for just about everyone. Seeing all of your sins in black and white and realizing just how far you are from God is NOT a good feeling. I could see in his eyes that he was scared. I told him what I had learned about God's mercy, and how even though it’s hard for others to forgive him, his Father already has. God knows his heart and I know He would not leave this family member alone; all he has to is ask.  Ask for God's presence, ask for God's forgiveness, ask for God's mercy and truly repent. I told him after every past lie that he was faced with to remember, "But God..." God loves this family member, I know he does, and I have full confidence that he will continue to work in him. God is SO good and so merciful it is just mind blowing.

          So when we are face to face with our sinful nature, it is my prayer that we all remember "But God..." and we give thanks and glory to God for "..it is by grace you have been saved." (Ephesians 
2:5)

 I painted this to represent our sin (the black) His blood shed (the red) and  white hand because we are made clean and new because of His loving mercy. 

Finding Joy in Pain

       Currently I am in one of those moods where anything and everything can set me off. This doesn’t mean that I am an angry person, the reason deep down behind this mood is pain and hurt. This time last year my world went from crooked to completely upside down. I can’t really pinpoint what has me upset right now. All I think of is that its just all coming back to me because the one year mark is approaching.  I was deeply hurt by someone who up until a year ago I thought hung the moon. To be betrayed and lied to by someone so close and dear to you is an indescribable life changing feeling. In moments like these when I’m sitting in class on the brink of tears I encourage myself to find joy in my situation.

      My family has surrounded me with love like I never knew was possible. Not only have they helped my mother and I pick up the pieces of our lives, but they have helped me renew my love for the Lord. I had begun to neglect my Heavenly Father and the blessings He had given me. I was consumed with hate, pain, and anger. God has shown me His light through the angels in my family. For that I am forever grateful. I find joy in the Lord and in my family.

     I adore Auburn University. I love everything about Auburn (with the exception of parking and registration). I have found a new home in this beautiful place. I have made friendships that will last a life time. I have rediscovered who I am here. I am grateful for the opportunity to go to school here. I find joy in Auburn and my amazing friends.

     So yeah, sometimes I feel the hurt of the past creep up on me. But I fight the pain away by remembering that I am blessed, and finding joy in those blessings. I know that God will take this pain and use it for His glory.

Romans 8:28 “We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him…”