Trust in Him

        Senior year, spring semester.... Man there is nothing like the pressure you feel during this time. And it does not help that it is MARCH! Where did that come from?! All of this pressure and all of the stress has really weighed me down lately. I have found myself lost in worrying about the future.


        Where am I going to be living? Where am I going to be interning? How am I going to get by money wise this summer? Should I get a part time job? Will I be able to buy food? Will this summer be like the summer of 2010, a constant struggle to even put gas in my car? Am I going to be okay with out my best friends? I could literally go on for hours with all the questions I have about the future. I make myself sick worrying about all of the unknown that is looking at me straight in the face. Just as I begin to break down for the 100th time I am starting to hear the Lord whisper. Trust. Trust me. Don't be shaky in your faith. Trust. I am not going to let you down. So I trust.


          Trust in general does not come easy for me. I have been burned many times which has left me scarred and reluctant to trust. So I like to control things. That way I don't have to trust that someone else won't let me down. If I can just plan out my future exactly the way I want it, then I'm good. I will know where I am going therefore I will be at ease. But it doesn't work like that, not even kind of. I have no control. And that can be frightening, right?  Well if fear is what I feel when I look at the future then I do not have faith that the Lord will provide for me. Fear and worrying about the future is the same as telling the Lord, I do not have faith in your plan, I do not trust you to take control. When I start to feel that worrying creep up on me, I try to remember what message I am sending to the One that commands the sun to rise in the morning.


        There are many times in our lives where God asks us to trust completely in Him. When the future is scary, when a loved one passes away, when you feel lost, or when you don't have enough money to pay the bills. He will provide. He is the way. Take it from me, the Lord has led me out of many dark places, sometimes even had to drag me out of them. But He always hears, He always rescues, and He always has a plan. Although it might not be easy, trust in the One who spoke you into motion, His plan is better than yours anyway!


Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

"but God..."

       As some of you may know I went to the Passion conference in Atlanta over Christmas break. This conference awoke, refreshed, and equipped me in many ways. One of the lessons that struck a chord in me revolved around Ephesians chapter 2. In this particular chapter of Ephesians Paul talks about how we are made alive in Christ. Verses 1-3 talk about all of us being dead in our transgressions; it states that we are "by nature objects of wrath" and that we have all gratified "the cravings of our sinful nature". After this bad news verses 4-5 say "But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!)" The leader then said as we continued throughout the day and thought about all we did that separated us from God to remember "But God is so rich in mercy".

      I am telling you this for a few reasons; the first is because I have a hard time forgiving myself for my past and for my sins in general. I tend to get bogged down with disappointment in myself rather than thanking God for saving me from the depths of my sin. Which is sad and ironic in a way because I am being selfish and self-centered in my reflection of my sin (I would love to play the 'only child, it’s not my fault' card right about now, typical huh?!). This verse really puts it all in perspective for me. Yeah, by nature I am sinner, a child of wrath and gratifying my cravings for sin, But God interrupts that sad story with the most beautiful news. Because he is so rich in mercy he sent his Son down to live a perfect life and takes the weight of my sin so I can be forgiven. This simple yet powerful phrase "But God..." has reminded me of that, and helped me immensely.

         This verse took a whole new hold on me as I relayed this message to a family member. This particular family member (as you may know from my previous post, has lied to many people and deeply hurt loved ones) was asked to do something that was going to force him to come face to face with his transgressions. This would be intimidating and frightening for just about everyone. Seeing all of your sins in black and white and realizing just how far you are from God is NOT a good feeling. I could see in his eyes that he was scared. I told him what I had learned about God's mercy, and how even though it’s hard for others to forgive him, his Father already has. God knows his heart and I know He would not leave this family member alone; all he has to is ask.  Ask for God's presence, ask for God's forgiveness, ask for God's mercy and truly repent. I told him after every past lie that he was faced with to remember, "But God..." God loves this family member, I know he does, and I have full confidence that he will continue to work in him. God is SO good and so merciful it is just mind blowing.

          So when we are face to face with our sinful nature, it is my prayer that we all remember "But God..." and we give thanks and glory to God for "..it is by grace you have been saved." (Ephesians 
2:5)

 I painted this to represent our sin (the black) His blood shed (the red) and  white hand because we are made clean and new because of His loving mercy. 

Finding Joy in Pain

       Currently I am in one of those moods where anything and everything can set me off. This doesn’t mean that I am an angry person, the reason deep down behind this mood is pain and hurt. This time last year my world went from crooked to completely upside down. I can’t really pinpoint what has me upset right now. All I think of is that its just all coming back to me because the one year mark is approaching.  I was deeply hurt by someone who up until a year ago I thought hung the moon. To be betrayed and lied to by someone so close and dear to you is an indescribable life changing feeling. In moments like these when I’m sitting in class on the brink of tears I encourage myself to find joy in my situation.

      My family has surrounded me with love like I never knew was possible. Not only have they helped my mother and I pick up the pieces of our lives, but they have helped me renew my love for the Lord. I had begun to neglect my Heavenly Father and the blessings He had given me. I was consumed with hate, pain, and anger. God has shown me His light through the angels in my family. For that I am forever grateful. I find joy in the Lord and in my family.

     I adore Auburn University. I love everything about Auburn (with the exception of parking and registration). I have found a new home in this beautiful place. I have made friendships that will last a life time. I have rediscovered who I am here. I am grateful for the opportunity to go to school here. I find joy in Auburn and my amazing friends.

     So yeah, sometimes I feel the hurt of the past creep up on me. But I fight the pain away by remembering that I am blessed, and finding joy in those blessings. I know that God will take this pain and use it for His glory.

Romans 8:28 “We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him…”